you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
