im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
