I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
