I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
