Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Alive.
So much puke
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
