Jerry, you need to find god
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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