Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
