She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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