I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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