Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
