This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
