I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
