i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
