Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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