ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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