I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
