You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
