Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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