Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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