I hope mine doesn't look like that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
