do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
