I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
