Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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