every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I understand Curling. That high.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
