I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
