so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
