I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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