I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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