at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
