i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
