Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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