I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
