and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
