i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
