I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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