I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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