WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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