It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
