I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
