great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
