I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
