just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
