she woke up with a sticky ear
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
