i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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