i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
