found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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