She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
