yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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