i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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