i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
