I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
