You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
