it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
