Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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